Heartbreak, Tears, Breakups…..
We have all likely faced this at some point in our lives. I know I did — many times. I’ve been the one shattered into a million pieces, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know I’ve done the shattering before I found the man I chose to live the rest of my life with, bound together with golden rings, a traditional sweet grass heart and a traditional smudge and prayer.
So, we all make it through heartaches differently. I like to feel and process through song; I always have. I remember making up little melodies at 3 years old, and writing songs at the age of 7 (no hits! but still songs!). I was always good for a song after a good heart ripping.
Here’s the thing. We all know and sense when something isn’t right, and the love field has shifted, or shifting, or not even existent anymore. I could see it in the eyes long before they had the strength to tell me it was over. Mostly, I would hope against hope I was wrong… but I knew.
So, 20 years ago, my heart was ripped wide open. I knew it was coming. I sensed it. I felt it. I saw it in his eyes. I was severely devastated. I cried so hard when the words finally came out. I cried for many moons. When he broke up with me, I took the high road. I remember smiling at him and saying it was ok. We remained friends after, but I secretly (or not so secretly depending on who you asked) that I very much still cared for him. Time healed that, and eventually I knew he wasn’t for me, and I did find my true love…
At the time though, I followed regular Shy-Anne fashion, I wrote a song to help heal my bruised, shattered heart. I had many songs, but never performed them or recorded them. I showed my friend Marianna this song. She very much liked it and asked me if her friend could record it. I thought, why not? I met Terry Agombar – songwriter, home engineer, musician… talented guy. He wanted to take a shot at recording the song. So I thought, sure! Why not!
He did a great job for a home studio 20 years ago. And we had a limited time to pull it together. He was pretty awesome at just grabbing an instrument and adding layer after layer of music. Was so much fun working with with him. At that time in my life, I’d never really worked with anyone for recording, and it was like a dream come true. Terry has sadly passed since, but his memory carries on in music.
I’ll share the song here, but please note, it was 20 years ago, and I didn’t really know what I was doing. So it was 20 years ago style, newbie style and I had no idea how to sing into a mic when giving full power. Plus it is 5 minutes long… a tad long for a song… even 20 years ago, unless you were the band, Meatloaf.
I have attached an unmastered mp3 version for you. I called the song “Gotta Go” at the time.
I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but it did feel good to get the feelings out. I decided to keep it to myself.
Fast forward 20 years… after a hard, emotional, trying year, I made the choice to do another album. My friend reminded me of this song and how she really liked it back then. I did like the song, but I felt it needed some updating, and space and simplicity. I rewrote some lyrics too, and changed the chorus into a pre-chorus and rewrote the chorus. I also wanted to really show in this rewrite that breakups are hard on both people. It can be very emotional for both people involved, so wanted to make this evident in the song. As noted above, the song was originally called “Gotta Go”, but I already recorded a song called “Gotta Thing” for the new album, and couldn’t have a “Gotta Go” too. Both songs are polar opposites!
So, I sat down with my guitar while making pickled beets one night and rewrote it. I shared the new version called “Tears” with Jordan and we did this very stripped down and what I think is a beautiful remake of the song. It is actually one of my favourites.
https://youtu.be/y7H249vEOrII wanted to do a video for it, but wasn’t really sure how to bring the song to life. I opted for a lyric video to really bring the focus to the lyrics of the song. I found Medu on Fiverr (link to his Fiverr) who had some beautiful work. He got me right away, listened to what I was hoping for and made this just perfect lyric video for me. The simplicity of the song didn’t really need much more.
Anyway, here is the song, “Tears”, once upon a time called “Gotta Go” – a heart break kinda song. Life is funny with its many twists and turns, unexpected events, heart breaks and love stories. One never knows what will come tomorrow. Enjoy today, but don’t hate yesterday. Mourn what you need to mourn, but move on with goodness in your heart.
As always, reach out with an email if you have any comments, questions and thoughts…. would be neat to hear which version you preferred 🙂